CRUCIFIXION 

By 

STANLEY  KIMMEL 

Authort  of 
"THE  STRANGE  VOYAGE,"  etc. 


NEW  YORK 

GOTHIC  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

176  SECOND  AVENUE 

1922 


Copyrteht  1919 
OVERLAND  MONTHLY 

Copyright  1922 
STANLEY  KIMMEL 


SECOND    PRINTING 


/  have  been  with  more  dead  than  living. 


CRUCIFIXION 

TO-Day  it  is  very  calm.  We  are  silently 
plowing  along.  Our  steamer  is  a 
good  one,  considering  everything,  with  a 
captain  who  never  leaves  the  bridge  for  a 
minute.  All  ia  ready  for  an  emergency 
in  case  there  should  be  one.  The  cab- 
ins are  suffocating  and  most  of  us  sleep 
on  the  upper  deck. 

Tlie  people  in  the  steerage  have  a 
merry  time,  singing  and  dancing.  Here, 
in  the  midst  of  a  great  danger,  they  are 
happy  and  free  from  worry  while  those 
who  are  about  me  seem  unable  to  hide 
their  thoughts  and  anxieties. 

Three  steamers  have  passed  on  their 
way  to  America. 

America.  .  .  . 

At  night  the  passengers  walk  a  great 
deal  on  the  decks  if  they  cannot  rest 


CRUCIFIXION 

and  their  nervousness  keeps  everyone 
awake.  It  is  weird.  The  darkness  takes 
everything  from  sight  until  an  object 
looms  up  like  a  monster  when  one  comes 
too  near.  We  are  always  falling  over 
each  other  or  tripping  on  the  chairs 
about  the  decks.  In  such  an  atmosphere 
as  this  one  forgets  that  one  is  alive.  The 
steamer  glides  through  the  night  with  an 
uncanny  swishing  sound.  It  is  packed 
with  human  flesh  and  defies  everything. 

We  ran  into  a  storm  yesterday.  The 
sea  is  still  very  rough  and  foggy.  The  fogs 
are  a  great  help  and  lessen  the  danger. 

No  one  is  sick.  There  is  too  much 
excitement  for  any  one  to  think  of  that. 

Last  night,  after  we  had  gone  to  rest 
in  the  deck  chairs,  people  came  running 
over  to  the  starboard  side.  A  great  black 
blot  passed  us.  Part  of  a  convoy  of 
English  battleships,  we  were  told.  A  hid- 


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CRUCIFIXION 

eous  thing,  like  an  apparition.  A 
monstrosity  for  the  destruction  or  sub- 
jugation of  you,  no  matter  who  you  may 
be,  if  you  should  dare  defy  it.  The  flag 
which  it  flies  does  not  matter.  It  ia  the 
thing  itself  that  matters. 

From  the  drawing  room  window  I  can 
see  the  gunners  pacing  round  the  gun 
turrets.  Yes,  they  are  doing  that  for 
my  protection,  but  why?  It  is  because 
there  are  other  gunners  and  gun  turrets. 
Have  these  men  a  personal  grudge  a- 
gainst  one  another?  Ask  Jean  why  he  is 
fighting.  Will  he  answer  you?  Perhaps. 

We  are  compelled  to  keep  our  life- 
belts on  until  we  reach  the  mouth  of  the 
River  Gironde. 

Our  steamer  has  taken  a  different 
route  from  the  one  we  were  following 
a  few  days  ago.  The  life-boats  are  just 
above  the  water,  ready  for  immediate 
use.  We  are  not  allowed  to  have  a  light 


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CRUCIFIXION 

of  any  kind  on  the  decks  at  night.  Every- 
thing is  dark. 

Bay  of  Biscay. 

An  alarm  has  just  been  sounded. 
Everyone  ran  out  on  the  deck.  I  can 
see  nothing  from  the  windows.  If  I 
could  what  good  would  it  do?  The  ship 
will  be  sunk  just  the  same,  and  there 
will  be  plenty  of  time  to  get  off  when  the 
alarm  to  abandon  the  vessel  is  given. 
The  ship  is  taking  a  zig-zag  course.  A 
gentleman  who  was  sitting  next  to  me 
has  returned,  seemingly  unconcerned. 
He  has  continued  reading  his  paper  as 
though  nothing  was  going  on.  We  are 
alone. 

Various  remains  of  a  steamer  pass  us. 
The  sea  is  full  of  boards  and  other  float- 
ing debris.  No  human  beings  have 
been  seen  and  there  is  not  much  chance 
of  their  having  survived. 


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CRUCIFIXION 

Evidently  it  is  over.  They  will  come 
back  into  the  room  now  and  bring  their 
scared  faces  with  them.  What  could 
really  happen  to  any  of  us?  It  is  amusing, 
in  spite  of  all.  If  the  steamer  should  go 
down  it  would  mean  very  little.  I  am 
sure  it  would  be  a  blessing  to  many  who 
perhaps  fear  it.  The  water  would  run 
into  our  eyes  and  ears,  it  would  rush  into 
our  nostrils,  but  only  for  a  moment.  A 
vain  effort,  a  cry,  and  then  .  .  .  nothing! 
I  find  myself  wishing  the  thing  would 
happen.  I  am  sick  of  the  sights  on  the 
water,  and  this  is  trivial  to  what  will 
come  later.  I  suppose,  though,  that  if 
the  steamer  did  go  down  I  would  fight 
for  life  like  the  others.  If  I  were 
saved— and  there  is  not  a  doubt  about 
it — the  whole  thing  would  still  be  in 
front  of  me. 

The  deck  steward  has  just  told  me  we 
must  wait  at  the  mouth  of  the  river  for 


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CRUCIFIXION 

full  tide.  We  shall  not  reach  Bordeaux 
until  six  p.m.  tomorrow.  It  will  be  too 
late  for  the  day  train  to  Paris.  This 
will  necessitate  remaining  over  night 
and  continuing  our  journey  next  morn- 
ing. We  are  becoming  accustomed  to 
being  in  our  clothes  two  or  three  days  at 
a  time,  and  do  not  mind  it  so  much. 

It  is  little  wonder  these  people  are  so 
frightened.  The  sea  is  very  calm  and 
clear.  One  can  see  miles  away  to  the 
horizon.  I  imagine  it  would  be  a  pretty 
picture  through  a  periscope. 

We  are  anchored  off  the  coast  of 
France  until  noon.  This  is  a  bright  sunny 
morning,  and  the  coast  is  lined  with 
villages,  which  can  be  seen  very  plainly. 
The  quaint  red-tiled  roofs  bob  up  here 
and  there  among  the  green  hills.  It  is 
all  peaceful  and  quiet.  We  can  rest 
now,  for  we  are  safe. 


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CRUCIFIXION 

There  are  many  small  fishing-boats 
near  us.  Most  of  them  are  red  or  green, 
a  few  yellow,  and  half-a-dozen  blue. 
What  a  sight  it  is!  They  fill  the  bay  with 
color. 

In  the  distance  can  be  seen  the  top- 
mast of  a  steamer  which  was  sunk  at 
the  beginning  of  the  war.  They  have 
never  raised  it  and  I  understand  do  not 
intend  to  do  so.  It  is  a  monument  and 
serves  its  purpose. 

There  are  also  captive  balloons  all 
along  the  coast,  and  an  aeroplane  passes 
now  and  then,  coming  in  or  going  out 
on  patrol  duty. 

Near  Bordeaux  we  saw  some  of  the 
prison  camps.  The  prisoners  seem  to 
be  treated  very  well.  They  all  stopped 
working  when  we  passed  and  made  use 
of  all  the  English  they  knew  in  calling 
to  us.  About  the  only  expression  one 


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CRUCIFIXION 

could  understand  was,  "Hello,  how  are 
you?" 

Paris. 

Our  quarters  are  in  an  old  chateau 
which  was  once  the  home  of  an  Amer- 
ican. 

Coming  from  Bordeaux  we  were  told 
that  all  the  cafes  in  Paris  close  at  nine- 
thirty,  and  that  it  would  be  impossible 
to  get  anything  to  eat  after  we  arrived 
there.  But  we  were  able  to  get  into  the 
kitchen  of  an  English  restaurant,  and  the 
owner  gave  us  a  light  lunch,  for  which 
he  charged  excessively. 

It  does  not  take  long  to  understand 
the  Frenchman's  idea,  either.  We  soon 
found  he  was  charging  us  exorbitant 
prices. 

The  streets  are  very  dark,  but  they  are 
filled  with  women  and  girls.  The  Allies 
are  also  well  represented  along  the  bou- 


CRUCIFIXION 

levards.  So  far  as  morals  are  concerned 
I  haven't  as  yet  discovered  any.  It 
seems  to  be  a  wide-open  shop  where  you 
buy  what  you  please. 

We  have  been  on  duty  for  three 
nights.  The  wounded  are  arriving  by 
the  train-loads.  They  are  brought  in 
after  dark,  so  that  the  public  will  not  see 
or  hear  them  while  they  are  being  un- 
loaded and  rushed  to  the  hospitals.  It 
is  a  dreadful  sight.  The  men  moan  and 
groan  continually.  Sometimes  they  cry 
out  and  occasionally  one  goes  insane. 
What  is  all  this  suffering  for?  How  can 
one  enjoy  the  fruits  of  so  much  misery? 
It  is  better  to  be  a  part  of  it  and  die. 

Look  at  the  man  lying  so  still  on  the 
cot.  His  blood-soaked  leg  is  more  like 
a  shriveled  rag.  The  flesh  is  there,  a 
chunk  of  raw  meat.  He  is  so  weak  he 
cannot  move.  I  am  told  it  is  not  his 


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CRUCIFIXION 

leg  which  gives  him  so  much  pain,  but 
the  left  shoulder,  which  has  been  partly 
shot  away.  The  blanket  is  over  the 
wound,  and  hence  I  did  not  see  it. 

How  is  it  possible  to  be  in  such  a  con- 
dition and  live?  What  would  the  men 
who  have  been  able  to  profit  by  this  war 
think  if  they  were  bending  over  this 
man,  or  rather  let  me  ask  what  would 
he  think? 

Each  generation  sees  this  same  pitiful 
condition,  and  yet  we  continue.  Must 
it  go  on  for  ever? 

No  one  is  permitted  to  remain  here 
unless  connected  in  some  way  with 
the  war.  There  is  no  sightseeing.  Every- 
thing is  closed.  The  condition  of  the 
poor  is  tragic.  There  are  many  ref- 
ugees without  food  or  shelter.  Their 
homes  are  still  in  "No-Man's  Land,"  and 
many  have  lost  all  they  ever  possessed. 


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CRUCIFIXION 

Those  who  were  lucky  enough  to  be  in 
the  rear  managed  to  take  some  things 
with  them  in  the  first  retreat  of  the  battle 
of  the  Marne,  but  it  was  not  much, 
and  as  a  whole  they  are  helpless. 

The  surroundings  seem  to  be  well 
fortified,  and  I  think  the  French  people 
do  not  fear  that  the  Germans  will  get 
into  Paris.  There  is  an  aeroplane  pa- 
trol constantly.  We  have  not  had  a  raid 
for  about  four  weeks,  and  as  it  has  been 
very  clear  the  last  few  nights  one  is  ex- 
pected at  any  time. 

A  card  is  necessary  in  order  to  pur« 
chase  specified  foods  and  fuel.  The 
prices  are  very  high.  Poor  people  cannot 
get  what  they  really  need.  How  do  they 
expect  to  exist  through  the  coming  win- 
ter months?  If  something  is  not  done 
for  them  I  am  afraid  there  will  be  se- 
rious riots. 

It  is  the  poor  people  who  bear  the 


19 


CRUCIFIXION 

world's  burden,  whether  in  peace  or  war. 
"/re  pricipatu  commutando  scspius 
Nil  Prceter  doniini  nomen  mutant 
pauperes" 

We  have  been  very  busy  again  and 
had  little  sleep  this  week.  The  Ger« 
mans  have  attempted  an  air  raid  every 
evening  during  the  last  five  days,  and  I 
suppose  it  will  be  the  same  thing  to- 
night. They  do  only  a  small  amount 
of  destruction  so  far  as  I  am  able  to 
find  out,  and  as  yet  no  one  has  been 
killed.  It  is  believed  they  are  trying 
it  out  and  that  a  grand  fleet  of  machines 
may  appear  any  evening.  They  usually 
come  just  at  dark.  An  auto  rushes 
about  the  Paris  streets  blowing  a  siren. 
Everyone  finds  cover  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible and  remains  in  the  cave  until 
the  "all  clear"  signal  is  blown.  On  the 
walls  of  the  house  are  posted  large  fig- 


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CRUCIFIXION 

ures  stating  how  many  people  the  cave 
will  hold.  During  the  raid  the  lights 
are  extinguished  all  over  the  city  and  it 
remains  in  complete  darkness  until  the 
thing  is  over. 

Evidently  a  big  battle  is  raging  along 
the  front  .somewhere  mear  Verdun. 
When  there  is  a  general  rush  the  trains 
arrive  at  all  hours  of  the  day  and  night. 
It  is  close  in  the  cars  and  the  men  are 
very  uncomfortable.  Everything  smells 
of  medicine.  We  work  at  the  receiving- 
station,  where  the  wounded  are  num- 
bered and  divided  among  the  hospitals 
before  being  sent  to  their  destinations. 

Our  orders  have  been  received  for 
the  front,  and  everyone  will  be  glad  to 
get  away.  The  rains  have  come  on  a- 
gain  and  it  is  very  gloomy  in  Paris.  We 
have  a  sign  at  headquarters  which  reads : 


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CRUCIFIXION 

"Don't  waste  one  minute.  In  that  time 
six  men  are  killed  at  the  front." 

Six  men  a  minute  ! 

There  is  only  one  way  to  stop  war,  and 
that  is  to  put  an  end  to  the  factions 
which  favor  it. 

The  section  will  be  attached  to  a 
French  regiment  and  will  likely  be  in 
the  Verdun  sector  most  or  all  of  the 
time  during  the  first  three  months.  We 
shall  then  be  on  repos  for  ten  days. 

Three  months!  It  sounds  like  an 
eternity.  If  we  live  through  the  first 
three  months  it  will  be  three  more  ad  in- 
finitum. 

When  will  it  ever  end?  If  it  is  not  over 
soon  we  shall  have  to  tear  up  the  map. 
I  don't  know  but  what  it  would  be  a  good 
plan  anyway. 

The  British  are  looming  up  here  and 
there  on  the  front,  and  many  think  they 


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CRUCIFIXION 

would  like  to  end  it  before  the  United 
States  has  had  much  to  do  with  it.  I 
don't  think  the  Americans  have  any  fear 
of  that,  at  least  not  those  who  are  here. 

I  have  taken  a  small  room  in  the  Latin 
Quarter  in  order  to  get  away  from  the 
chateau  and  drill-grounds  when  permis- 
sion is  given.  We  are  not  on  duty  now 
and  are  simply  standing  by,  awaiting  or- 
ders. This  gives  us  many  free  hours. 
We  only  have  to  report  twice  a  day  and 
do  some  guard  duty  now  and  then. 

The  sirens  are  sounding  in  the  streets. 
An  air  raid  is  on. 

The  lights  went  out  and  the  concierge 
came  in  with  a  candle,  begging  me  to 
go  below  with  the  rest  of  the  occu- 
pants. By  the  time  I  reached  the  cave 
it  was  pretty  well  filled,  not  only  with 
the  people  from  the  house,  but  also 


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CRUCIFIXION 

those  who  were  passing  along  the  streets 
and  had  to  find  shelter.  It  was  cer- 
tainly a  cosmopolitan  crowd. 

The  cave  in  this  establishment  seemed 
to  be  very  large;  about  three  or  four 
rooms.  One  woman  was  hysterical. 
She  had  three  small  children,  who  cried 
all  the  time.  There  was  an  old  man 
who  protested  continually  against  air 
raids.  He  would  shout  and  throw  his 
hands  into  the  air,  clenching  his  fists 
and  daring  the  Germans  to  come  down. 
Some  of  the  younger  women  smiled  at 
the  poor  old  man. 

A  group  of  girls  came  in,  followed  by 
two  soldiers.  They  made  so  much  noise 
talking  and  laughing  that  everyone  re- 
mained silent  for  a  few  minutes,  watch- 
ing them.  The  soldiers  and  one  of  the 
girls  went  into  another  room.  In  a 
short  time  one  of  the  men  returned. 

The  "all  clear"  signal  was  heard  and 


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CRUCIFIXION 

the  forms  filed  out  of  the  cave.  It  was 
necessary  for  the  soldier  and  the  group 
of  girls  to  wait  for  the  couple. 

Bo  vert  has  just  come  in.  He  was 
underground  near  here  during  the  raid. 
He  tells  me  one  of  the  bombs  dropped 
close  by  the  station  where  we  were  on 
duty  last  week.  No  one  was  killed,  but 
several  were  injured;  some  women  who 
were  trying  to  reach  one  of  the  caves. 
They  were  working  on  the  tramway. 

Why  do  nations  stoop  to  such  things? 
What  is  the  ultimate  gain  of  a  victory 
won  in  this  manner? 

To-morrow  we  leave  for  the  front. 
Of  course  there  is  not  any  gloom  about 
it.  Bo  vert  and  I  shall  go  out  and  have 
a  good  time.  The  boulevards  will  be 
filled  with  people  for  it  is  very  clear  and 
the  stars  are  out.  We  shall  find  Antoi- 


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CRUCIFIXION 

nette  and  Helene  and  go  for  a  ride  in  the 
Bois,  then  to  the  Folies  Bergeres. 

At  times  this  whole  affair  seems  most 
humorous, — a  kettle  full  of  little  boil- 
ing people. 

The  cars  are  ready.  It  is  less  than  an 
hour  now,  but  there  is  nothing  to  do; 
only  sit  here  and  wait  for  the  order.  As 
yet  no  one  has  been  told  where  the  sec- 
tion is  going.  After  leaving  Paris  we 
shall  know  the  approximate  front  by  the 
direction  taken. 

Antoinette  arrived  just  as  the  cars 
were  moving  into  line.  Her  father  was 
killed  early  this  morning  in  the  muni- 
tions factory.  She  gave  me  a  small 
package,  but  I  shall  not  open  it  until 
to-night. 

As   we   passed   through   the   gates   I 
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CRUCIFIXION 

caught  a  glimpse  of  Antoinette.  Her 
face  was  buried  in  a  email  blue  hand- 
kerchief. A  young  woman  went  over 
to  her  and  put  her  arms  about  the  trembl- 
ing shoulders.  The  scene  swirled  be- 
fore me.  The  car  lurched  forward.  On 
each  side  white  stucco  walls  fronting  the 
street  flowed  endlessly. 

We  are  having  lunch  at  Meaux.  The 
country  is  wonderful  and  the  village 
quite  unique.  The  old  mills  and  water- 
ways remind  one  of  "Le  Pont  de  Mantes" 
of  Corot. 

The  roads  are  excellent  and  well  kept, 
with  poplar  trees  on  each  side.  Birds 
are  singing  in  them  and  the  sun  is  shin- 
ing. Everything  is  peaceful  and  quiet. 

We  do  not  see  many  young  men.  The 
women  and  old  men  work  in  the  fields 
and  the  children  do  what  they  can  to 
help. 


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CRUCIFIXION 

Chalons-sur-Marne. 

It  is  raining;  so  we  need  not  be  expect- 
ing   air-raids    any    time    of    the    night. 
I  have  opened  Antoinette's  package  and 
found  a  scapular  with  a  note  enclosed: 
Hon  Bienaime: 

Le  jour  ou  nous  nous  somm.es 
rencontres,  le  soleil  brillant  jetait 
de  Vor  sur  toutes  choses,  et  V atmos- 
phere etait  saturee  de  silencieuse 
musique  !  . .  .  .  Le  monde  ne  me 
parut  jamais  aussi  merveilleux  ni  si 
pres  du  del  ou  mes  reves  d'enfant 
reposent.  Tu  etais  la  fleur  de  ma 
vie  et  fai  prie  que  tu  puisses  tou- 
jours  rester  aupres  de  moi..  .Mais 
la  nuit  vint.  Mon  pere  .  . .  .  O 
Dieu  I .  .  .  .  Et  maintenant  toi  aussi 
tu  dois  partir ....  Seulement  la 
nuit  et  la  solitude  restent.  La 
crainte  que  fai  pour  ta  surete  et 
ton  bien-etre  embrume  mes  yeux 


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CRUCIFIXION 

de  larmes  ....  Quclques  jours  en- 
core et  let  rote*  qui  emplis- 
sent  ma  chambre  de  leur  parfum 
si  doux,  vont  se  faner  et  leurs  pe- 
talcs  joncheront  le  tapis  ....  Let 
rideaux  teront  fires  et  teulement 
det  ombres  inconnuet  danteront 
sur  les  riches  detsins  de  dentel- 
let.  Mais  more  cceur  sombrero  dans 
ce  reve  de  toi  jutqu'au  jour  quand 
ton  baiter  le  fera  revivrc  a  VA- 
mour .... 

Adieu  !  Adieu  ! 

Somewhere  in  France. 

The  cannonading  is  terrific.  One  of 
the  lorries  caught  fire  this  morning  and 
two  of  the  men  were  badly  burned.  It 
was  only  through  their  courage  that  the 
entire  section  was  saved.  Many  barrels 
of  gasoline  and  oil  were  near  the  cars. 
The  two  men  pushed  the  burning  car 


29 


CRUCIFIXION 

into  the  open  and  prevented  what  might 
have  been  a  disaster. 

We  left  Bar-le-Duc  about  four-thirty 
p.m.  after  seeing  our  first  air  battle. 
The  Germans  were  coming  over  for  a 
raid,  when  they  met  a  French  delegation 
lurking  about  the  sky.  It  was  an  interest- 
ing affair  for  those  on  the  ground. 
One  fellow  went  down  in  flames. 

There  are  many  evidences  of  German 
air  raids  in  Bar-le-Duc.  The  hotel  where 
we  ate  our  lunch  had  the  upper  rooms 
shattered  by  bombs  the  night  before. 
One  street  was  impassable,  and  we  saw 
large  holes  in  several  housetops. 

Just  beyond  us  is  the  outline  of  what 
was  once  a  very  famous  cathedral  town. 
I  hope  we  shall  have  a  chance  to  get  in 
there  to-morrow,  but  no  one  seems  to 
know  whether  the  Germans  or  French 
are  holding  it. 

From  where  we  are  it  looks  as  though 


30 


CRUCIFIXION 

there  was  a  Fourth  of  July  celebration 
going  on.  As  far  as  we  can  see  there 
are  flashes  of  fire,  and  the  guns  continue 
to  roar.  Six  men  a  minute!  Think  of 
that  I  Again  I  am  asking  myself,  what 
for? 

All  this  waste  of  time,  energy  and  life! 
Could  not  they  have  been  expended  in 
helping  an  already  bleeding  world? 
Think  of  the  institutions  for  education 
which  could  have  been  built,  and  the 
needs  of  the  poor  exterminated,  by  these 
vast  sums  spent  in  the  destruction  of 
life  and  property!  Shall  we  gain  any- 
thing by  it?  Will  the  people  of  the  world 
be  better  because  of  all  this  suffering? 
Will  it  help  them  in  any  way,  Germany 
included?  When  the  time  for  settlement 
comes  will  it  be  for  those  who  have 
risked  their  lives,  those  who  have  gone 
through  days  and  nights  of  horror,  or  a 
settlement  of  those  who  remained  in 


31 


CRUCIFIXION 

the  rear  out  of  danger  and  who 
liave  the  power  at  any  future  time  to 
plunge  men  again  into  a  misery  of  which 
they  know  nothing?  Will  the  greed  of 
the  victorious  nations  rise  up  in  arms 
against  one  another?  We  shall  see. 

Our  first  mail  has  just  been  received. 
What  a  treat  to  get  letters  from  America 
away  out  here  in  this  bloody  part  of  the 
world! 

Loads  of  supplies  and  soldiers  pass  us. 
They  are  going  up  to  the  line,  and  have 
to  enter  the  trenches  under  cover  of 
darkness.  They  do  not  look  very  happy. 
IV  fore  I  left  the  States  I  was  told 
how  joyous  the  men  were  to  be  of  serv- 
ice and  how  they  went  up  to  the  front 
laughing  and  singing.  I  was  told  they 
came  back  in  the  same  way,  no  matter 
how  many  times  they  had  been  on  the 
front  before.  I  was  fooled.  They  do 


32 


CRUCIFIXION 

not.  These  men  have  all  the  suffering 
and  sadness  of  Christ  in  their  eyes. 
They  are  tired  and  worn  with  the  never- 
ending  months  of  fighting.  They  have 
been  lowered  to  the  existence  of  wolves. 
Ao,  war  is  not  a  glorious  thing  with 
them  ! 

We  are  on  the  front.  The  first-line 
trenches  are  only  a  few  yards  away. 
This  abris  (dugout)  is  the  first-aid  sta- 
tion for  the  wounded.  Our  quarters 
are  back  a  mile  in  the  forest.  It  is  rain- 
ing and  the  mud  is  sticky  and  hard  to 
get  through.  Bo  vert  and  I  were  given 
an  order  to  come  up  here  after  a  priest 
and  his  aide.  There  is  a  heavy  bom- 
bardment and  we  shall  have  to  wait 
until  it  is  over  somewhat  before  they 
will  let  us  go  on. 

I  can  hear  the  men  in  the  room  next 
to  us  groaning  and  moaning.  A  section 


33 


CRUCIFIXION 

is  working  here,  and  we  shall  not  have  to 
go  on  duty  for  a  day  or  so,  not  until  we 
are  acquainted  with  the  roads  and  the 
surroundings. 

This  dugout  is  quite  large.  I  have 
noticed  four  large  rooms  beside  this 
small  one  belonging  to  the  priest. 
Along  the  walls  of  the  rooms  are  bunks. 
The  wounded  are  all  placed  in  the  large 
center  space,  which  was  perhaps  the  orig- 
inal cellar  of  the  chateau.  Nothing  is 
left  of  the  building  but  the  foundation, 
and  that  has  been  blown  away  in  parts. 

I  went  into  the  other  room  and  found 
it  rapidly  filling  with  wounded.  There 
were  a  few  Germans  pmong  those 
brought  in.  They  had  been  placed  along 
the  sides,  away  from  the  French.  I  had 
to  be  careful  in  stepping  about  not  to 
trample  on  them. 

These  men  are  lying  side  by  side  after 


CRUCIFIXION 

their  vain  endeavor  to  kill  each  other 
with  the  implements  which  civilization 
has  given  them.  Their  energies  have 
been  spent  and  now  they  are  reduced 
to  dependency  on  other  men  whom  they 
do  not  know. 

Is  it  not  ridiculous? 

Yesterday  the  section  was  taken  over 
the  territory  in  which  we  are  to  serve. 
It  is  a  hotbed  of  machine  guns  and  muni- 
tions pits.  We  had  a  narrow  escape 
in  one  part  of  the  forest.  As  we  turned 
into  the  road  leading  to  our  quarters 
several  tons  of  earth  went  up  into  the  air 
just  ahead  of  us.  The  hole  was  so  large 
we  had  to  return  by  a  different  route, 
which  kept  the  men  in  the  region  an 
hour  longer. 

We  are  becoming  accustomed  to 
things.  There  is  a  scarcity  of  -water. 
We  have  a  light  wine  to  drink  which  is 


35 


CRUCIFIXION 

called  "penarcl,"  and  it  is  a  poor  sub- 
stitute. The  war-bread  on  the  front  is 
even  worse  than  that  in  Paris.  It  is 
green  and  soggy.  Our  meals  are  all  of 
one  kind  —  meat  stew.  I  do  not  know 
where  the  meat  comes  from  and  I  hope 
no  one  will  tell  me. 

The  roads  are  filled  with  camions 
(trucks),  munitions  wagons,  guns  of  all 
descriptions  and  pack-mules. 

One  of  the  cars  ran  into  a  shell-hole 
last  night  and  caused  a  great  deal  of 
trouble.  The  mechanics  had  to  go  up 
and  help  with  it.  One  of  them  pulled 
on  the  lights  instead  of  the  self-starter. 
In  a  few  minutes  the  Germans  were  send- 
ing over  some  souvenirs.  The  car  was 
blown  to  pieces.  They  were  lucky  to  get 
away  with  their  lives. 

Bovert  and  myself  are  in  a  dugout 
waiting  for  a  bombardment  to  let  up. 


CRUCIFIXION 

We  are  on  our  way  to  the  communication 
trench.  This  is  a  lively  section  of  the 
front  and  keeps  us  busy.  The  roads 
are  almost  impassable  at  times.  It  rains 
all  the  day  and  night.  The  mud  is  knee- 
deep  and  wheel-deep  in  most  places.  We 
have  not  had  an  opportunity  to  remove 
our  clothing  since  arriving  in  this  sector, 
and  shall  not  be  able  to  do  so  until  we 
get  back  to  our  quarters. 

For  some  unknown  reason  our  gas- 
oline is  very  poor.  It  is  endangering  the 
ambulances  and  also  the  lives  of  the 
men.  We  had  to  stop  in  the  forest  with 
a  load  of  wounded  and  remove  them 
into  an  abri.  The  car  would  not  pull 
the  load  through  the  mud. 

Someone  is  evidently  making  money 
out  of  this  diluted  or  low  grade  stuff. 
Much  depends  on  our  having  a  super- 
quality.  There  can  be  men  and  sup- 
plies enough  to  conquer  the  world,  but 


37 


CRUCIFIXION 

if  the  transportation  breaks  down  we  are 
lost. 

I  wonder  if  these  men  who  are  in  the 
rear  ever  think  of  such  things.  Do  they 
stop  to  reason  that  if  they  do  not  furnish 
the  army  with  the  best  material  possible 
in  every  particular  there  might  be  a  col- 
lapse at  any  time  and  the  enemy  make 
short  work  of  their  possessions?  As  a 
protection  to  themselves  I  should  think 
they  would  carefully  see  to  it  that  the 
men  on  the  front  were  supplied  with  the 
best,  so  that  they  might  stem  the  tide 
and  save  those  in  the  rear. 

Above  all,  do  they  ever  stop  to  think 
of  the  lives  of  the  men?  Six  men  a  min- 
ute !  Can  you  imagine  what  a  man 
goes  through  when  he  is  out  here  in  the 
mud  and  the  rain  with  the  raw  end  of  a 
leg  stuck  in  the  dirt  and  blood  running 
from  his  mouth  after  the  gas  has  caught 
him? 


38 


CRUCIFIXION 

God !  Can't  they  have  warm  shoes  and 
clothing  and  enough  to  eat?  Can't  they 
have  the  medical  supplies  which  are 
needed  to  alleviate  their  suffering?  Can't 
they  have  the  necessary  means  of  trans- 
portation, so  that  their  lives  may  be 
saved  in  rushing  them  back  to  the  hos- 
pitals? 

The  Germans  have  been  flying  over 
this  part  of  the  front  a  great  deal  to-day. 
They  come  over  in  droves,  and  we  have 
had  a  half-dozen  air  battles  this  after- 
noon. Only  one  enemy  plane  was 
brought  down,  and  he  fell  behind  his 
own  lines.  The  French  are  becoming 
active;  soon  there  will  be  a  battle  royal. 
The  enemy  will  not  be  so  lively  in  an 
hour  or  so. 

There  are  many  captive  balloons  in 
this  part  of  the  sector. 


39 


CRUCIFIXION 

It  has  been  necessary  to  take  cover. 
An  old  house  in  which  the  section  was 
quartered  had  the  roof  blown  off  just 
before  we  sat  down  to  eat.  There  are  only 
fourteen  men  here,  and  lucky  no  one 
was  hurt ;  they  were  all  outside  the  build- 
ing. The  food  is  brought  to  us  from 
the  other  side  of  the  road,  where  the 
"kitchen"  is  underground. 

We  live  the  life  of  rats.  A  few  bat- 
tered chairs  stick  up  out  of  the  mud. 
The  men  are  sitting  around  the  light, 
eating  "chow."  I  don't  think  anyone 
is  very  hungry,  although  they  were  all 
swearing  at  the  cook  for  not  having  the 
stew  hot  when  we  came  in.  If  he  had, 
we  should  be  without  food,  for  the  stuff 
would  have  gone  with  the  roof. 

The  cook  is  a  Frenchman  and  appar- 
ently does  not  care  sometimes  whether 
the  men  eat  or  not.  I  understand  he  was 
taken  out  of  jail  in  Paris  and  sent  out 


40 


CRUCIFIXION 

with  this  section.  Some  evenings  he 
gets  very  drunk  and  tells  us  what  he  did 
at  the  battle  of  the  Marne.  He  has  never 
been  nearer  the  front  than  this  post.  I 
suppose  he  is  attached  to  our  section  be- 
cause he  speaks  English. 

The  bombarding  let  up  and  I  went  to 
see  what  was  left  of  the  place.  When 
I  came  out  of  the  dugout  I  saw  the  parts 
of  two  men  a  few  steps  from  the  road. 
They  were  evidently  hurrying  for  this 
abri  when  killed.  There  were  only  a 
blotch  of  blood  and  dangling  arms  and 
legs.  Their  faces  had  been  honeycombed 
by  shrapnel. 

In  order  to  reach  the  communication- 
trench  from  here  one  must  pass  over  a 
road  in  full  view  of  the  German  lines 
for  one  mile.  The  road  runs  along  the 
side  of  a  hill  overlooking  the  valley  and 
territory  held  by  the  enemy.  .  The  cars 


41 


CRUCIFIXION 

bump  along  one  at  a  time.  If  a  group 
went  up  together  they  would  probably 
be  fired  upon.  A  section  of  Fords  was 
destroyed  on  this  road  a  few  weeks  be- 
fore we  arrived.  There  are  many  un- 
exploded  shells  on  it  and  we  have  to 
drive  around  them.  Often  they  are 
covered  with  mud  or  water.  It  is  nec- 
essary to  drive  carefully,  for  they  might 
be  alive. 

Many  Germans  have  come  over  to  our 
lines  to-day.  One  group  brought  the  mail 
of  another  which  came  over  yesterday. 
They  look  worn  and  tired,  but  I  cannot 
see  that  there  is  an  alarming  amount  of 
old  or  very  young  among  them,  such  as 
we  were  told  in  the  States.  Some  grum- 
ble about  everything  and  others  say  that 
they  have  been  well  taken  care  of  and 
provided  for  and  there  is  no  danger  of 
a  German  collapse.  One  cannot  judge 
by  what  these  prisoners  say. 


42 


CRUCIFIXION 

We  have  just  heard  of  the  Italian 
victory  on  one  part  of  their  front.  The 
Frenchmen  filled  the  basket  of  a  toy 
balloon  with  papers  telling  about  the 
Italian  offensive.  These  balloons  carry 
the  news  over  the  lines  to  the  Germans. 

A  letter  from  Antoinette  just  as  we 
were  starting  up  to  the  post.  Letters 
are  wonderful  things.  They  make  us 
dream  of  the  past  and  put  a  new  life 
into  the  future. 

The  many  mornings  we  have  strolled 
through  the  Bois,  under  the  great  tall 
trees  which  swayed  so  softly  that  neither 
of  us  could  speak  !  Ah,  such  a  morning 
as  compared  with  this!  The  clouds  are 
low.  They  bend  down  to  the  tops  of 
the  poplars  and  kiss  them,  lingering  as 
if  to  say,  "We  shall  never  kiss  you  again, 
for  to-morrow  you  will  lie  crumbled  on 
the  Earth." 


43 


CRUCIFIXION 

Tu  dis  que  tu  es  tres  triste  .... 
Pauvre  cherie,  si  settlement  je  pou- 
vats  etre  avec  toi  ....  Quand  je 
pense  qu9il  ne  me  sera  pas  possible 
de  te  revoir  avant  trois  longs 
mois  I  .  .  .  .  Mon  cceur  se  brise  et 
les  heures  passent  comme  des  can- 
chemars.  Si  la  fin  doit  etre  id,  je 
la  desire  rapidement ....  Cette 
vie,  cette  torture,  c9est  terrible  ! 

Oui  je  me  suis  accoutume  a  vos 
fa$ons  de  vivre  en  general,  mats 
pas  a  cette  affreuse  solitude  qui 
semble  ronger  mon  cosur  et  em- 
porter  mon  ante  dans  une  sphere 
inconnu.  Et  le  savoir  qu'en  quel- 
que  lieu  je  puiss  etre,  tu  n'accour* 
ras  pas  te  jeter  follement  dans  mes 
bras  pour  me  demander  d'ecraser 
tes  cheres  levres  sous  mes  baisers. 

Le  mouchoir  est  arrive  a  bon 
port . ...  II  est  si  delicieusement 

44 


CRUCIFIXION 

parfume,  mon  Antoinette,  .  .  .  .  et 
juste  comme  toi  I 

Je  ne  puis  t'en  dire  d'avantage. 
II  y  a  tant  de  souff  ranees  autour  de 
moi. 

The  French  offensive  is  still  raging. 
The  noise  is  deafening.  Every  gun  for 
miles  around  is  pouring  steel  into  the 
Hun.  The  earth  trembles  and  there  is 
a  continual  roar.  We  have  not  been  able 
to  get  a  rest,  and  the  men  are  about  dead 
from  fatigue.  They  work  too  hard  and 
do  not  look  after  themselves.  To  go 
back  and  forth  over  these  roads  under 
shell-fire  without  sleep  for  hours  at  a 
time,  and  be  put  to  physical  tests  in 
clearing  up  a  place  or  carrying  the  men 
over  stretches  of  the  roads  where  the 
ambulances  cannot  pass,  is  enough  to 
take  the  life  out  of  anyone. 

The  night  before  the  attack  was  lively. 


CRUCIFIXION 

No  one  slept  in  the  little  towns  leading 
up  to  the  front.  The  men  were  brought 
to  the  Bois  in  trucks.  From  there  they 
marched  to  the  lines.  We  left  about 
one  a.m.  The  Frenchmen  stormed  the 
hill  at  four  o'clock  that  morning.  B  overt 
and  I  had  to  have  three  different 
cars  during  the  first  twenty-four  hours 
of  the  slaughter.  They  would  get  too 
hot.  This  life  cannot  be  described. 
The  voices  of  the  men  are  pitiful  against 
the  roar  of  the  guns.  It  makes  one's 
head  swim. 

We  met  a  group  of  Germans  running 
along  the  road  with  their  hands  high  in 
the  air  yelling,  "Kamerad!  Kamerad!" 
They  were  still  under  shell  fire.  Later 
we  found  them  at  one  of  the  cages  for 
prisoners.  They  had  given  themselves 
up  and  were  thankful  to  be  out  of  the 
fight.  One  of  the  prisoners  told  a 
Frenchmen  he  was  glad  to  be  in  France. 


46 


CRUCIFIXION 

He  said  he  had  had  nothing  to  eat  for 
days  except  black  bread  until  he  came 
over.  A  poilu  had  given  him  some  of 
his  rations.  There  was  an  officer  in  the 
same  cage  and  he  was  very  sullen  when 
he  heard  this. 

The  Germans  fly  over  our  lines  as 
they  please.  They  have  been  coming 
over  all  day. 

A  young  French  officer  took  Bovert 
and  myself  to  an  observation  post  which 
overlooked  the  entire  valley.  The  whole 
battle  field  was  below  us.  It  was  a  sad 
sight,  the  ruined  villages  and  ravaged 
forest.  We  looked  over  miles  and  miles 
of  territory  held  by  the  Germans. 

These  Frenchmen  are  peculiar.  Once 
in  a  while  they  are,  as  a  whole,  very  de- 
cent, but  we  have  had  our  eyes  opened 
to  their  "gratitude  and  appreciation." 
One  of  the  men  here  took  us  to  a  town- 


47 


CRUCIFIXION 

what  was  left  of  it-with  an  order  for  our 
dinner.  We  had  eaten  nothing  all  day 
except  a  few  biscuits  which  we  happened 
to  have  in  the  car.  When  we  reached 
the  place  he  went  about  shaking  hands 
with  everyone  and  finally  disappeared. 
We  thought  he  would  return  again  in  a 
few  minutes  and  show  us  where  we  were 
to  eat.  Soon  the  Germans  began  a  bom- 
bardment and  we  were  left  in  the  open. 
The  car  was  in  danger  and  so  were  our 
lives.  We  went  off  without  him. 

Early  this  morning  we  stopped  at  one 
of  the  forest  dugouts,  where  we  hoped 
to  find  a  fire.  We  had  been  out  all 
night  and  were  cold  and  wet.  When 
we  reached  the  door  we  found  it  latched 
from  the  inside.  We  tried  to  get  at  the 
latch  by  using  a  stick,  but  before  we  had 
got  very  far  a  Frenchman  came  and  asked 
what  was  wanted.  We  told  him  in  the 
best  French  possible  for  us.  He  uiidcr- 

48 


CRUCIFIXION 

stood  and  answered,  "No,  no,  no,  no!" 
and  turned  back  into  the  room.  All  we 
could  do  was  to  stand  there  and  look 
through  the  crack  in  the  door.  I  do  not 
know  why  we  were  kept  out.  It  was  the 
only  place  one  could  find  shelter.  Two 
Frenchmen  came  up  and  one  of  them 
pushed  the  latch  from  the  outside  with 
his  bayonet.  We  went  into  the  first 
room.  The  Frenchmen  were  drinking 
tea. 

This  reminds  me  of  other  incidents. 
When  the  section  first  came  up  these 
men  would  sit  around  in  the  dugouts 
drinking  their  hot  stuff  yet  never  offer- 
ing us  a  sip.  When  they  found  we  had 
an  ample  supply  of  rum  and  cigarettes 
they  became  a  little  more  generous. 
This  bartering  became  disgusting,  and 
we  finally  did  without  the  tea  rather  than 
bother  with  them. 

A  Frenchman  once  explained  to  me 


49 


CRUCIFIXION 

that  the  men  were  in  their  own  land  and 
should  have  all  the  comforts  possible. 
I  was  tempted  to  ask  what  he  thought 
about  those  three  thousand  miles  or 
more  from  home.  He  told  me  they  did 
not  want  the  Americans  in  France:  all 
they  needed  were  the  supplies  and 
money.  I  am  afraid  he  is  a  little  pre- 
mature in  his  judgement.  Some  day  he 
may  be  glad  we  are  here. 

An  enemy  plane  has  just  fallen.  It 
came  down  slowly,  and  I  do  not  think 
the  pilot  is  hurt  in  any  way.  The  Ger- 
mans are  shelling  the  town  as  a  reprisal. 
We  shall  have  to  take  cover. 

Bovert  came  in  this  morning  with  a 
special  ordre  de  mouvement  into  ter- 
ritory where  neither  he  nor  I  had  ever 
been  before.  The  road  was  in  view  of 
the  German  intrenchments  and  full  of 
unexploded  shells.  It  was  not  well  taken 


50 


CRUCIFIXION 

care  of,  and  consequently  the  shell- 
holes  were  plentiful.  We  searched  for 
the  battery  half  the  morning,  not  know- 
ing whether  we  were  on  French  or  Boche 
territory. 

After  we  have  been  in  a  location  for 
a  few  days  we  know  just  about  what 
Fritz  will  do.  He  is  a  punctual  fellow 
and  will  bombard  a  certain  strip  of  the 
road  or  what  remains  of  a  village  at  an 
exact  hour  each  day  and  night.  Of 
course  there  are  exceptions.  We  know 
now  that  this  post  is  bombarded  every 
evening  at  six  o'clock.  If  we  are  un- 
lucky enough  to  be  here  we  get  under 
cover;  if  outside  we  stay  until  it  has  had 
the  daily  round. 

Just  beyond  is  a  place  called  Hell's 
Curve.  Many  cars  have  been  destroyed 
and  {hundreds  of  men  killed  on  that 
spot. 

The    roads     are     horrible:     covered 


51 


CRUCIFIXION 

with  dead,  always  under  direct  fire,  and 
nine-tenths  of  the  work  done  at  night  in 
absolute  darkness. 

The  post  de  secours  of  the  commu- 
nication trench  is  a  place  of  torture  for 
those  stationed  there.  The  continual 
moaning,  the  odor  of  powder  on  the 
dead,  the  last  breaths  of  the  dying,  the 
gas  and  the  mud  and  everything  else 
makes  one  almost  insensible  at  times. 
Last  night  B  overt  and  I  had  to  take  cover 
in  an  old  abri  which  was  full  of  vermin. 
We  were  in  there  twenty  minutes.  They 
will  send  us  back  to  our  quarters  this 
afternoon;  at  least  I  hope  so.  We  are 
not  in  very  good  condition. 

It  is  not  uncommon  to  stop  the  car 
and  carry  the  dead  from  the  road  in 
order  to  pass.  At  night  they  are  hard 
to  see.  We  are  always  afraid  of  run- 
ning over  them.  If  it  is  raining  or  we 


52 


CRUCIFIXION 

are  passing  through  a  gassed  section  we 
are  compelled  to  go  almost  in  a  walk. 
ft  is  necessary  to  have  someone  in  front 
of  the  car  on  foot  and  keep  the  driver 
informed  about  the  road  ahead.  Some- 
times it  is  so  dark  he  cannot  be  seen. 
He  yells  the  information  and  the  car 
goes  stumbling  along.  Our  gas  masks 
are  hard  to  work  in,  as  the  rain  blurs 
the  eye  piece  and  it  is  impossible  to  see  a 
thing. 

A  few  hours  ago  we  brought  in  a  Prus- 
sian who  was  wounded  almost  to  the 
point  of  death.  We  put  him  in  one  of 
the  racks  of  our  car  and  took  him  back 
to  the  base  hospital.  There  were  also 
three  French  blesses  in  the  ambulance. 
The  Prussian  occupied  the  place  which 
should  have  held  another  Frenchman. 
He  was  given  the  preference  because  of 
the  seriousness  of  his  wounds.  Upon 

53 


CRUCIFIXION 

our  arrival  at  the  base  hospital  the  load 
was  removed.  When  we  returned  to  the 
post  the  doctor  hurried  to  us.  He  had 
just  received  a  message  from  the  hos- 
pital that  the  Prussian  had  exploded  a 
hand  grenade,  killing  himself  and 
wounding  five  Frenchmen. 

It  is  surprising  to  find  so  many  of 
the  prisoners  speaking  English.  A  cap- 
tured Prussian  officer,  who  had  been  cut 
off  from  supplies  for  days,  looked  so 
fatigued  that  I  took  him  into  the  "kitch- 
en" and  got  a  cup  of  coffee  and  some 
hash.  I  knew  he  would  talk  if  given 
some  inducement  I  could  see  that  he 
was  so  hungry  that  he  could  have  taken 
everything  in  sight  with  one  mouthful, 
yet  he  ate  as  deliberately  as  if  he  had 
eaten  a  meal  only  a  few  hours  before. 
He  was  a  gentlemanly  fellow.  There 
are  exceptions  and  he  was  one  of  them. 
He  had  lived  four  years  in  London  and 


54 


CRUCIFIXION 

spoke  the  language  as  an  Englishman. 
To  him  there  was  only  one  way  of  ending 
the  war,  that  was  victory  for  Germany. 
He  had  no  doubt  as  to  the  truth  of  the 
inscription  on  his  belt-buckle,  which 
read,  "Gott  mit  uns". 

The  "kitchen"  is  separated  from  the 
"morgue"  by  a  small  piece  of  burlap. 
There  the  dead  bodies  are  stacked  until 
they  can  be  buried  in  the  cemetary  near 
by.  While  we  were  having  our  lunch 
the  partition  blew  down.  The  first  sight 
which  greeted  us  was  a  stretcher  with  its 
load  of  dead,  jammed  into  the  half -open 
mouth  of  a  fallen  comrade. 

All  equipment  is  taken  off  the  dead 
and  seni  to  the  rear.  The  women  assort 
it  and  save  what  is  good  to  be  used  again. 

One  of  the  men  from  another  section 
came  into  the  dugout  during  the  German 
counter-attack.  Just  as  he  entered  the 
room  he  fell  to  the  floor.  He  was  ex- 


55 


CRUCIFIXION 

hausted  and  had  a  high  fever.  When 
he  became  conscious  he  glared  at  the 
candle-light.  We  were  afraid  he  had 
gone  insane.  He  was  sent  back  to  the 
hospital,  and  no  one  knew  until  a  few 
minutes  ago  what  had  occured.  He  had 
been  given  an  order  for  one  of  the  forest 
posts.  The  road  which  he  took  on 
his  return  trip  was  impassable.  He  en- 
deavored to  get  out  by  taking  a  cut. 
This  he  found  blocked  also.  The  bom- 
bardment became  so  terrific  that  he  left 
the  car  to  look  for  cover.  Wandering 
about  in  the  woods,  he  lost  his  way  and 
was  out  for  over  an  hour  before  he 
finally  reached  our  dugout.  Not  knowing 
whether  it  was  a  German  or  a  French 
position,  as  the  enemy  still  held  part  of 
the  forest,  he  had  waited  outside  until 
he  could  hear  the  voices  of  the  men. 

Man,  in  his  pre-civilized  days,  existed 
as  a  wild  and  hunted  creature  of  the 


56 


CRUCIFIXION 

forest.      Red-eyed,  he  ran  from  cave  to 
cave,  either  destroying  what  was  in  his 
way  or  being  annihilated  by  something 
more  powerful  than  himself. 
To-dav  it  is  the  same. 

Last  night  the  Germans  bombed  one 
of  the  base  hospitals.  It  seems  to  be  a 
custom  with  them  to  bomb  a  hospital 
now  and  then.  I  cannot  understand 
why,  as  the  red  cross  is  very  large  and 
can  be  seen  from  a  great  height  in  the 
air,  so  I  am  told.  Why  they  should  fly 
over  in  groups  and  attack  men  who  are 
helpless  or  dead  will  have  to  be  explained 
by  them.  There  were  about  fifty 
German  prisoners  in  the  hospital  at  the 
time  and  all  were  carried  back  to  safety 
after  the  Frenchmen  had  been  removed. 
The  men  stood  it  the  best  they  could 
but  they  would  cry  out  every  time  we 
entered  the  wards.  Each  one  gave  some 


57 


CRUCIFIXION 

reason  why  he  should  be  taken  first. 

At  one  side  of  the  hospital  a  dozen 
men,  on  stretchers,  were  waiting  to  be 
lifted  into  the  ambulance.  A  shell  came 
and  there  was  nothing  left.  We  were 
lucky  enough  to  be  inside.  This  same 
building  was  destroyed  before  we  re- 
turned for  another  load. 

The  French  are  very  excitable  people. 
They  loose  their  heads  when  anything 
goes  wrong.  All  during  the  bombard- 
ment they  were  telling  us,  in  a  hysterical 
way,  to  hurry,  as  if  we  wanted  to  loiter 
about  the  place. 

We  are  to  go  to  Bar-le-Duc  on  repos. 
The  section  needs  a  rest.  The  men  look 
tired  and  the  ambulances  are  in  bad 
condition.  Likely  the  three  cars  we  have 
lost  will  be  replaced  before  we  return 
to  another  sector  of  the  front. 

There  has  been  a  rumor  that  the  sec- 
tion will  be  cited  for  the  work  done  at 


58 


CRUCIFIXION 

Verdun.  Since  we  have  not  lost  a  man 
it  is  all  right,  but  what  would  a  small 
piece  of  metal  amount  to  if  there  was 
a  list  of  missing? 

Decorations  are  the  apologies  from 
the  government  for  the  misery  brought 
upon  the  individuals  to  whom  they  are 
presented. 

Another  car  is  out  of  commission. 
Early  this  morning  it  was  struck  by  a 
shell  and  the  rear  wheel  and  part  of  the 
body  were  blown  off.  Macleen  was  hit 
by  a  piece  of  steel  and  has  been  sent  to 
the  hospital  at  Chalons-sur-M  ariie.  This 
was  to  have  been  our  last  day  here,  but 
I  suppose  we  shall  have  to  remain  until 
the  other  section  arrives  to  relieve  us. 
Our  regiment  has  gone  in  on  repos. 

I  have  received  a  letter  from  a  lady  in 
the  States  asking  if  we  ever  get  near  the 
front.  I  see  by  the  nature  of  other  let- 


59 


CRUCIFIXION 

tcrs  that  some  people  think  we  are  on  a 
picnic.  One  lady  asked  if  we  had  pic- 
ture shows  to  entertain  us  at  night.  No, 
Madame,  we  do  not  have  our  evenings 
off  and  there  are  no  picture  shows  on 
this  part  of  the  front! 

Repos  will  be  a  blessing  to  all.  The 
strain  upon  one  is  overpowering.  The 
shells  do  not  worry  us  or  the  fact  that  at 
any  moment  our  numbers  might  be 
counted  among  the  missing,  it  is  the 
terrible  suffering  we  have  to  see  all  the 
time.  One  fellow,  whom  we  brought 
down  to-day,  went  insane  and  tore  the 
bandages  off  his  wound.  We  got  him  to 
the  hospital  all  right,  but  I  doubt  that 
he  is  alive  now.  It  is  this  kind  of  thing 
that  keeps  us  from  sleeping.  I  suppose 
I  shall  hear  it  the  rest  of  my  life.  I  do 
not  know  how  any  one  could  hear  their 
cries  and  shrieks  and  ever  forget  them. 


60 


CRUCIFIXION 

There  are  more  shell-holes  in  the 
roads  the  last  few  days  than  ever  before. 
It  is  because  of  the  German  counter- 
attack. The  cars  are  always  sticking  in 
them  and  give  us  a  great  deal  of  trouble. 
The  rain  fills  them  with  water,  so  that 
one  cannot  tell  how  deep  they  are  until 
the  car  plunges  in.  The  men  often  go 
to  sleep  while  driving.  This  causes  a 
great  many  accidents. 

Six  of  the  Frenchmen  attached  to 
this  section  have  taken  up  a  third  of  the 
quarters  to  which  we  were  assigned, 
leaving  the  fourty  of  us  to  find  room  as 
best  we  can.  I  suppose  this  is  the 
Frenchmen's  idea  of  being  "at  home." 

Bar-le-Duc. 

The  section  arrived  at  the  barracks 
last  night.  This  morning  we  found  our- 
selves under  guard  and  not  allowed  to 


61 


CRUCIFIXION 

leave  the  small  room  in  which  we  were 
quartered.  We  had  to  wait  for  the  offi- 
cials, and  they  did  not  arrive  until  noon. 
Breakfast,  for  us,  was  eliminated,  but 
the  German  prisoners  entertained  us  by 
eating  and  drinking  in  their  cages  across 
the  way.  They  thought  it  was  a  fine 
joke.  So  did  we.  Our  room  had  a  no- 
tice on  the  door  reading  "19  hommes" 
(19  men).  Forty  of  us  managed  to  sleep 
in  there  during  the  night. 

We  have  not  the  slightest  idea  what 
offense  we  have  committed  and  as  yet 
have  not  been  told.  One  can  get  no 
more  than  a  shrug  from  these  French- 
men. From  the  looks  of  things  we  shall 
not  have  as  good  treatment  as  the  Ger- 
mans who  are  quartered  here  as  prison- 
ers. It  is  certain  we  do  not  have  the  lib- 
erty and  food  which  are  given  to  them. 

The  French  officer  in  charge  of  this 
62 


CRUCIFIXION 

section  has  not  been  friendly  toward  our 
lieutenant,  who  is  British,  or  the  men. 
Many  open  denouncements  have  heen 
made  of  his  sheltered  quarters  back  of 
the  lines  and  the  time  he  spends  there. 
Also  of  the  fact  that  he  goes  about  in 
the  uniform  of  an  aviator  with  the  dec- 
orations he  has  received  in  the  Sections 
Sanitaires  Aux  Armees.  I  suppose  he 
has  taken  this  opportunity  to  avenge 
himself.  A  Frenchman  must  be  avenged. 

Petty  grievences  between  officers  are 
superdreadnoughts  for  the  enemy.  I 
don't  think  anyone  gives  a  damn  about 
the  citation.  Too  many  have  been  pre- 
sented far  back  of  the  lines,  and  for  no 
reason  whatsoever. 

C'est  la  guerre. 

We  are  in  a  small  village  just  back  of 
Rheims.  The  guns  are  only  a  faint  rum- 
ble from  here,  but  the  air  raids  continue. 


63 


CRUCIFIXION 

An  aero  station  is  only  a  mile  away  and 
there  are  a  great  many  planes  in  the  air 
all  the  time.  This  is  one  of  the  patrol 
stations  which  guards  Paris.  We  are 
having  evacuation  work  from  the  hos- 
pitals near  here.  Six  cars  are  on  duty 
each  day. 

What  a  price  the  French  are  paying 
for  victory!  No  one  can  describe  the 
slaughter  we  have  seen.  I  suppose  that 
in  a  few  years  all  this  will  have  to  be 
done  over  again.  I  have  seen  enough 
blood  to  make  a  new  race.  Maybe  it 
will,  but  I  doubt  it.  The  French  tell 
us  continually  what  they  will  demand 
from  the  Germans  when  once  they  are 
beaten.  Their  greed  of  territorial  bound- 
aries will  lead  to  another  war  within 
the  next  fifty  years,  if  not  before.  What 
good  are  boundaries,  anyway?  I  know 
the  advantages  they  are  supposed  to 
have,  but  what  about  their  disadvan- 


64 


CRUCIFIXION 

tages?  What  about  the  millions  of  men 
who  have  been  killed  or  wounded  in 
this  war  to  date? 

Bovert  came  in  with  the  news  of  the 
Russian  defeat.  Such  things  have  a  bad 
effect  on  everyone.  I  do  not  think  the 
Russians  would  deliberately  throw  up 
their  hands.  There  must  have  been 
some  reason  for  it  other  than  the  sword, 
for  they  will  die  before  giving  them- 
selves up  to  the  enemy. 

Our  food  is  very  poor.  The  men  go 
over  to  a  peasant's  hut  near  here  and 
buy  jellies  and  omelettes.  The  old  lady 
thinks  we  are  a  band  of  pirates.  The 
men  order  nine-and  twelve-egg  omelettes 
for  themselves  and  ask  no  one  to  help 
dispose  of  their  repast. 

This  is  a  wonderful  morning.  The 
sun  is  climbing  over  the  orchard  trees 


65 


CRUCIFIXION 

and  sprinkling  the  fields  with  glistening 
light.  To  one  side  is  the  outline  of  a 
little  village  rimmed  with  green  hills. 
The  white  buildings  with  their  red-tiled 
roofs  dot  the  landscape.  If  it  was  not 
for  the  dull  thud  of  the  cannonading  we 
could  forget  the  war.  Only  a  few  miles 
away,  and  the  slaughter  continues. 
Some  troopers  pass  along  the  road  go- 
ing in  on  repoa.  This  is  our  last  day 
here.  We  go  up  to  the  Front  de  Cham- 
pagne to-morrow. 

The  section  has  been  on  this  front  for 
six  weeks.  It  is  the  same  old  thing  over 
again.  Days  and  nights  of  horrors. 

One  blesse  whom  we  brought  in  to- 
day looked  like  a  sieve.  Besides  his  many 
wounds  he  had  been  gassed.  His  face 
was  smeared  with  blood  and  dirt  and 
powder-blots.  He  was  spitting  blood 
continually.  Most  of  his  clothes  had 


66 


CRUCIFIXION 

been  torn  off.  The  doctors  could  do 
nothing  for  him.  He  died  a  few  minutes 
after  reaching  the  post  de  secours.  They 
placed  him,  with  the  other  dead,  in  an 
old  building. 

Some  men  have  died  in  our  cars.  It 
is  terrible  on  reaching  the  hospital  to 
find  that  such  has  happened.  It  drives 
one  insane.  We  rush  them  back  as 
quickly  as  possible. 

One  of  our  roads  is  the  most  weird, 
hideous  and  grewsome  I  have  ever  been 
on.  The  French  seventy-fives  are  blast- 
ing away  on  each  side.  At  night  the 
flare  from  the  guns  blind  us  and  we 
often  run  the  cars  into  the  ditch.  It  can- 
not be  helped.  When  one  is  racing  a- 
long  in  absolute  darkness  and  suddenly 
has  this  fire  flashed  at  the  side  he  is 
blind  for  a  few  seconds  and  cannot  con- 
trol his  car.  Early  one  morning  along 
this  same  road  we  almost  ran  into  a  man 


67 


CRUCIFIXION 

sitting  up  near  the  bank.  The  mud  cov- 
ered him  to  the  waist.  When  we  took 
hold  of  him  he  was  cold.  The  wreck- 
age of  a  wagon  and  the  parts  of  two 
horses  were  close  by. 

These  terrible  sights  should  not  both- 
er us  now.  We  have  seen  many  of 
them,  but  each  one  seems  worse  than  the 
others. 

So  it  is,  and  the  bloody  business  con- 
tinues with  no  sign  of  a  letup. 

It  seems  futile  to  hope  for  an  end  be- 
fore Christmas.  The  Frenchmen  say 
five  years  more.  It  will  be  another  year 
anyway.  If  the  Germans  hold  out 
through  the  winter  they  will  certainly 
not  stop  when  the  weather  permits  good 
fighting. 

Weeks  have  passed  and  I  have  left  off 
writing.  I  am  in  a  hospital  in  Paris. 
The  men  suffer  much  here,  and  it  seems 


68 


CRUCIFIXION 

I  can  never  sleep  for  their  crying.  I 
wake  up  suddenly  during  the  night, 
thinking  I  am  still  on  duty.  It  is  hard  to 
realize  where  I  am.  The  clean  sheets 
and  white  walls  are  a  welcome  change. 
We  have  plenty  of  water  to  drink  and 
can  have  a  bath  when  we  want  it.  I  shall 
he  able  to  be  outside  for  a  few  hours 
each  day  before  long.  It  is  strange  to 
lie  here  in  all  this  cleanliness  again.  A 
real  room  with  real  doors  and  windows 
and  sunlight  pouring  in  upon  me. 

The  doctor  has  just  been  in  and  he 
tells  me  I  may  go  for  a  walk  tomorrow. 
Antoinette  will  be  here  in  less  than  an 
hour.  She  comes  every  day  and  brings 
magazines  or  books.  I  shall  tell  her 
when  she  comes  this  afternoon.  I  shall 
say  "Antoinette,  veux-tu  que  nous  allions 
nous  promener?" 

It  will  be  grand  to  walk  down  the 

69 


CRUCIFIXION 

boulevards  again,  along  the  quiet  streets 
where  I  have  not  been  for  months. 

Bovert  is  dead.  He  was  killed  yester- 
day. A  nurse  brought  the  message  to 
me. 

Is  this  butchering  never  to  end?  The 
whole  world  is  in  mourning  already,  and 
still  it  continues.  How  shall  the  debt  be 
paid?  By  the  freedom  of  the  World  or 
by  its  imprisonment?  What  results  will 
it  have  in  America? 

A  hospital  has  many  rooms,  like  the 
tombstones  in  a  cemetary.  Those  who 
move  about  glide  like  shadows  up  and 
down  the  long  hallways.  The  silence 
was  so  great  that  at  first  I  could  hardly 
bear  it.  I  wanted  them  to  bring  a  seventy- 
five  and  fire  it  all  night  in  front  of  my 
door  so  that  I  might  sleep.  It  was  the 
stillness-the  stillness-that  drove  me  mad. 


70 


CRUCIFIXION 

My  soft  bed  sank,  sank,  sank,  until 
I  felt  myself  a  thousand  miles  under- 
ground. Sometimes  in  the  middle  of 
this  silence  a  fiendish  cry  would  resound 
throughout  the  building-a  cry  which 
baffles  description,  but  which  I  shall  al- 
ways hear.  A  shriek,  a  wail,  as  if  some- 
one was  haying  his  entrails  torn  out. 

I  heard  it  one  night  by  my  door.  The 
train  from  the  front  had  just  arrived  and 
was  being  unloaded.  The  fellow  was  to 
have  a  room  opposite  our  ward  until  he 
could  be  operated  on.  I  saw  them  carry 
him  along  the  hallway.  I  saw  them  stop 
in  front  of  the  room  at  the  other  side  of 
the  hall.  As  the  stretcher-bearers  turned 
to  enter  the  door  the  man's  legs  rolled 
off  the  canvas.  The  heavy  boot  struck 
the  floor  with  a  thud  and  a  great  blotch 
of  flesh  and  blood  spattered  on  the  til- 
ing. One  man  picked  it  up  and  placed 
it  where  it  was  supposed  to  have  been, 

711 


CRUCIFIXION 

but  the  blood  on  the  floor  remained  and 
a  large  chunk  of  flesh  with  it.  I  pulled 
the  sheets  about  my  head.  I  thought 
I  had  gone  mad.  God  !  Could  such 
things  continue? 

I  had  been  away  from  the  front  for  a 
month,  and  men  were  still  at  it.  They 
were  tearing  each  other  to  pieces.  For 
what?  For  what?  Had  not  the  earth, 
with  its  millions  of  bodies  on  its  breast, 
had  enough?  Why  didn't  it  open  its  jaws 
and  swallow  them  and  have  it  over  once 
and  for  all?  Ten  million  men  and  six 
more  men  a  minute  !  What  had  become 
of  a  once-civilized  world?  Why  had  they 
sent  their  men  and  boys  out  there  to  do 
this  Devil's  dance?  Yes,  that  was  it,  a 
Devil's  dance,  with  suicide  or  murder 
as  a  reward  and  perhaps  a  decoration 
to  go  with  it. 

Mankind  murdering  each  other  when 
they  did  not  even  have  a  reason  for  it. 

72 


CRUCIFIXION 

They  did  not  have  a  grievance  against 
one  another.  Far  back  of  the  lines  were 
great  men-men  in  palaces  and  men  in 
huge  governmental  buildings.  They  told 
these  little  fellows  to  go  out  and  hunt 
one  another,  to  suffer  and  die  for  the 
land  of  their  birth.  The  land  of  their 
birth  !  What  kind  of  country  is  it  which 
sends  its  best  men  out  to  die  like  dogs? 
To  live  among  lice  and  rats  in  the  mud 
and  blood  of  their  desires?  No!  If  these 
men  want  to  fight  let  them  go  out  into  a 
slaughter-hole  and  do  it.  Then  they  can 
have  a  taste  of  war! 

Do  they  know  what  it  is  to  see  a  man's 
head  disappear  before  their  very  eyes 
and  leave  nothing  but  a  body  jerking  in 
a  pool  of  bloody  water?  Have  they  had 
the  blood  spurt  upon  them  after  sticking 
a  man?  Have  they  seen  his  eyes  pop  and 
his  face  become  smooth  and  white  like 
a  piece  of  marble  before  he  rolls  over 


73 


CRUCIFIXION 

into  a  heap  of  other  junk?  Do  they  really 
think  that  a  man  goes  over  the  top 
for  the  love  of  his  country  and  because 
he  is  a  patriot? 

Patriotism  will  some  day  be  a  thing  of 
the  past.  As  it  stands  to-day  it  means 
nothing  more  than  the  suicide  of  the  na- 
tion which  contains  the  most  patriots. 
The  gospel  of  suffering  and  dying  for 
one's  country  is  covered  with  mildew. 
It  is  the  individual  who  must  have  a 
place  in  the  world.  The  man  who  can 
feel  the  warm  sun  in  his  face  and  know 
it  is  the  gift  of  God  to  all  and  not  to  the 
few  who  can  spend  their  days  on  golf 
links  or  loiter  about  the  summer  resorts 
while  others  are  out  to  die  in  a  hell 
which  has  been  thrown  upon  them. 

Yjou  pretenders  of  civilization  who 
stride  through  the  avenues  with  your 
pockets  filled  with  gold  from  the  profits 
of  war  materials-you  who  cry,  "On  with 


74 


CRUCIFIXION 

the  war! "-look  at  your  hands  !  Look 
at  your  hands  ! — Dripping  with 
blood;  yet  you  cry,  "On  with  the  war!" 
And  you,  gluttenous  devourers  of  pa- 
triotic swindle  who  stand  on  the  bou- 
levards waving  your  flags  and  sending  the 
youth  of  the  world  out  to  the  slaughter- 
house to  be  ground  up  like  sausages, 
how  much  longer  will  you  permit  these 
men  to  continue  their  sacrilege  of 
humanity? 

Future  generations  will  condemn  our 
age  as  one  of  barbarism.  What  is  going 
on  now  will  terrify  posterity  to  the  point 
of  disbelief.  In  their  minds  it  will  be 
like  a  fable,  a  legend  of  horror.  They 
will  be  unable  to  conceive  of  such  a  car- 
nage or  a  small  group  of  men  driving 
thousands  of  human  bodies  into  such 
an  inferno.  They  will  not  understand 
how  mankind,  as  a  whole,  would  allow 
such  a  catastrophe.  In  that  day  there 


CRUCIFIXION 

will  be  a  greater  word  than  patriotism. 
It  will  be  humanitarianism. 


I  have  just  left  Antoinette  and  returned 
to  my  room  in  the  hospital.  How 
bare  it  seems  after  being  out  in  the  open 
again  !  After  the  Bois,  with  the  trees 
overhead  and  the  teunlight  peeping 
through  them,  this  room  is  like  a  prison. 
A  few  weeks  ago  I  could  appreciate  it, 
but  now  I  am  tired  of  it  and  want  to  get 
away. 

We  met  Heleiie,  and  I  had  to  tell  her 
about  Bovert.  She  told  me  she  had  lost 
two  brothers  in  the  war. 

The  boulevards  are  crowded,  but  no 
one  is  very  gay.  The  Italians  are  suffer- 
ing a  great  defeat  and  the  Russians  have 
collapsed.  A  German  offensive  is  ex- 
pected on  the  western  front  any  day.  It 
will  come  with  the  first  signs  of  spring, 
I  suppose. 


76 


CRUCIFIXION 

Many  Americans  are  here  now.  Paris 
seems  to  be  filled  with  them.  Six 
months  makes  a  difference  in  the  trans- 
portation of  troops.  They  all  go  about 
in  a  joyous  way  and  no  one  would  think 
they  are  homesick  or  disheartened. 

The  French  people  seem  to  have  the 
idea  they  are  loaded  down  with  money 
and  charge  them  anything  they  can  get. 
Prices  have  gone  up  beyond  those  we 
had  to  pay  at  first.  An  old  Frenchman 
told  me  they  were  entitled  to  charge 
what  they  pleased,  as  France  had  bought 
all  supplies  from  America  and  made  her 
rich  because  of  the  war  while  she  herself 
had  suffered.  Perhaps  the  old  man  was 
trying  to  clear  his  conscience. 

The  women  and  girls  are  everywhere. 
There  are  five  or  six  of  the  fair  sex  to 
one  of  the  other.  The  American  takes 
up  with  them  much  quicker  than  the 
Englishman.  The  French  girls  seem  to 


CRUCIFIXION 

prefer  the  American;  they  are  always 
ready  to  go  with  him.  Some  of  these 
girls  are  very  good  and  kind  and  do  all 
they  can  to  help  cheer  the  way  along. 
Others  are  in  for  all  they  can  get.  Most 
of  them  are  diseased. 

What  will  the  army  be  like  when  they 
return?  They  are  certain  to  have  a  dif- 
ferent idea  of  morality. 

The  doctor  has  given  me  a  discharge 
from  the  hospital.  I  am  to  be  in  the 
medical  supply  corps  in  Paris.  This  will 
keep  me  in  the  open.  If  the  men  could 
only  be  out  more  it  would  be  better  for 
them.  One  thinks  too  much  in  a  hos- 
pital. 

Every  day  I  go  down  to  one  of  the  clin- 
ics and  deliver  a  quantity  of  medicines 
which  are  used  in  curing  certain 
diseases.  It  is  an  awful  sight  to  see  these 


78 


CRUCIFIXION 

fellows  standing  in  line  waiting  for  their 
treatment.  Some  take  it  as  though  they 
thought  themselves  a  dog  with  mange, 
while  others  seem  to  think  they  have 
accomplished  something  and  look  upon 
it  as  a  rather  smart  trick.  The  latter 
talk  loudly  about  themselves  and  laugh 
over  their  affliction.  Now  and  then  a 
cry  is  heard  from  the  room  just  ahead 
of  them,  and  the  gayety  lets  up  a  bit. 

These  poor  men  are  everywhere. 
In  the  cafes  they  sit  and  drink  the  "wa- 
ters." They  are  always  drowsy  and  look 
fatigued.  I  don't  wonder  at  it  after 
going  through  the  terrible  treatment 
which  is  given  them.  Evidently  many 
men  are  sent  back  to  the  front  only  half 
cured. 

The  Frenchman  takes  it  as  a  joke  and 
thinks  it  is  a  good  lesson  for  the  Yankee 
and  his  idea  of  morality.  They  seem 
to  believe  they  are  showing  him  how  to 


79 


CRUCIFIXION 

live.  One  boy  told  me  he  had  gone  to  the 
French  base  hospital  and  informed  the 
doctor  what  was  wrong  with  him.  The 
Frenchman  laughed.  Another  returned 
after  suffering  months  under  electrical 
treatment  and  was  in  the  same  condi- 
tion as  in  the  beginning.  He  had  taken 
care  of  himself  after  leaving  the  clinic, 
but  had  not  been  properly  cured  and 
the  trouble  returned. 

It  is  not  hard  to  see  how  these  fellows 
suffer.  One  observes  it  in  their  faces 
and  unsteady  walk. 

Before  the  war  Paris  had  what  was 
called  the  Green  hour,  when  the  women 
went  into  the  cafes  for  their  hire. 
They  had  always  a  green  card,  which  was 
shown  when  asked  for,  giving  the  name 
and  condition  of  the  holder.  Now  all 
this  is  done  away  with,  and  of  course 
there  is  more  disease  than  ever. 

The  men  are  a  great  deal  to  blame  for 


80 


their  sickness.      They  do  not  take  the 
proper  care  and  precaution. 

There  must  be  misery  everywhere. 
Even  the  dingy  sky  seems  to  weep,  and 
rolls  along  heavily  as  if  it  had  a  thou- 
sand cares. 

The  section  is  to  arrive  in  Paris  al- 
most any  day  and  will  be  sent  to  Italy. 

I  shall  never  walk  from  the  quarters 
again,  at  least  not  the  way  I  came  to- 
night. The  Seine  looked  like  a  pool  of 
boiling  blood.  Several  times  I  thought 
I  had  gone  mad.  I  felt  an  impulse  to 
jump  over  the  huge  grey  wall  and  plunge 
into  the  waters  beneath.  Then  it  would 
be  over.  Every  time  I  am  alone  all  the 
misery  I  have  seen  and  been  a  part  of 
comes  rushing  back  to  me  and  my  brains 
takes  fire.  I  would  have  done  the  thing 
to-night  had  not  the  tram  stopped  and 


81 


CRUCIFIXION 

let  off  a  few  passengers  near  the  spot 
where  I  was  walking.  I  suppose  if  I 
should  do  this  people  would  call  me  a 
coward. 

Plauet  has  broken  up  a  rickety  chair 
in  order  that  we  may  have  heat  in  the 
room.  It  is  raining  nearly  every  day 
and  night  and  is  very  cold.  It  is  impos- 
sible to  get  wood  or  coal  in  Paris 
without  a  card  and  money,  always  mon- 
ey. We  could  get  the  card,  but  it  would 
do  us  little  good,  for  we  have  no  money. 

Every  evening  Plauet  and  myself  go 
to  the  Cafe  Roland.  We  cannot  keep 
our  quarters  warm,  and  so  we  have  to 
lounge  about  in  public  places  as  much 
as  possible.  The  cafes  close  at  nine- 
thirty,  turning  hundreds  of  people  into 
the  streets.  This  life  is  easy  after  what 
we  have  had  on  the  front.  For  one,  I 
am  glad  to  be  away  from  the  mess. 


82 


CRUCIFIXION 

Antoinette  has  gone  to  England  with 
her  mother.  I  watched  the  long  train 
slowly  glide  out  of  the  station.  I  stood 
motionless  until  the  last  car  dipped  be- 
low the  hill  and  was  lost.  An  old  man 
came  up  and  shouted  in  my  ear,  point- 
ing to  the  gate  at  the  same  time.  I  looked 
about  me.  Everyone  had  gone.  He 
mumbled  and  held  out  his  hand.  There 
was  something  between  the  bony  fingers, 
but  I  could  not  see  what.  I  grasped  it 
and  felt  the  blood  trickle  down  my  palm. 
The  thorns  had  stuck  me. 

The  section  arrived  yesterday.  They 
all  look  very  tired.  To-morrow  they  go 
to  Italy.  It  will  be  a  fine  drive  and  will 
doubtless  rest  them  more  than  to  stop 
here  a  week  or  so. 

There  is  a  great  deal  of  deceit  among 
the  French  people.  The  women  in  Paris 


83 


CRUCIFIXION 

are  all  running  around  like  Sybarites, 
spending  one  night  here  and  another 
there  while  their  husbands  are  on  the 
front. 

I  have  known  and  seen  so  many  cases 
of  this  kind  that  I  wondered  the  men 
put  up  with  it.  I  thought  possibly  they 
took  it  as  a  matter  of  course,  but  when 
I  spoke  to  a  young  man  about  it  I  found 
I  was  quite  wrong. 

"They  have  no  regard  for  us"  he 
said,  "and  are  always  going  about  with 
foreigners." 

Many  of  the  women  wear  veils  who 
are  not  entitled  to  them.  They  suppose 
people  will  sympathize  with  them  and 
they  know  it  draws  the  men.  Then,  too, 
they  fix  themselves  up  very  attractively 
in  this  black  crepe,  but  their  ankles  are 
always  covered  with  silk. 

I  understand  it  is  the  same  in  Eng- 
land, and  America  will  likely  have  a 

84 


CRUCIFIXION 

touch  of   the   thing  before   the   war  is 
over. 

These  women  drop  the  one-medal 
wearer  for  the  two  and  the  two  for  the 
three,  on  down  the  line  from  generals  to 
privates.  In  the  cafes  the  woman  with 
the  two-medal  man  snubs  the  other,  with 
only  the  one. 

Women  have  more  to  do  with  the  mak- 
ing of  war  than  is  generally  thought.  If 
a  man  comes  in  from  the  front  in  good 
condition  and  wearing  the  decorations 
of  his  savage  instincts  he  is  immediately 
the  rage  and  they  all  clamor  about  him. 
If  his  face  has  been  stuck  through  by  the 
bayonet  or  he  has  been  wounded  so  that 
he  is  of  little  service  to  them  they  make 
an  outcast  of  him.  Likely  the  poor  fel- 
low goes  down  some  dark  street  and  that 
is  the  end  of  his  misery.  I  know  this 
has  happened  more  than  once,  for  there 
have  been  men  who  went  out  from  the 


85 


CRUCIFIXION 

hospitals  for  a  walk  and  never  returned. 
They  were  not  in  a  condition  to  desert; 
they  could  not  have  taken  care  of  them- 
selves. 

The  government  keeps  these  distorted 
creatures  caged  up  as  much  as  pos- 
sible. It  is  not  good  for  the  men  to  see 
their  butchered  comrades,  so  the  offi- 
cials tell  us,  and  weakens  the  morale  of 
the  army.  If  they  are  allowed  to  go  out 
too  often  or  in  groups  they  might  do  a 
great  deal  of  harm. 

The  war  must  continue  at  all  costs, 
for  a  man  or  a  set  of  men  are  only  so 
much  bric-a-brac,  and  a  chip  off  here 
and  there  is  nothing  to  the  world  at 
large. 

I  have  a  room  in  the  Hotel  de  Tou- 
louse on  the  rue  Saint-Severne.  It  is 
one  of  those  queer  old  French  hotels 
which  totter  on  through  the  ages.  My 


86 


CRUCIFIXION 

room  is  on  the  attic  floor  overlooking 
a  dozen  dirty  streets  which  fit  into  each 
other  like  a  Chinese  puzzle.  Early  in 
the  morning  and  late  in  the  evening  the 
peddlers  pass  up  and  down,  ringing  bells, 
beating  triangles  or  crying  out  in  a  sing- 
song manner. 

They  sell  everything  imaginable. 
Perrots,  monkeys,  fruits,  vegetables,  per- 
fumes, flowers,  silks,  are  all  to  be  had 
in  the  course  of  a  day.  It  is  a  moving 
department-store. 

The  byways  seem  to  stumble  along 
like  the  old  women  who  trot  their  daily 
wares  below  me.  It  is  here  that  one  gets 
a  breath  of  old  Paris.  To  mention  the 
war  would  be  sacrilege.  But  at  night  it 
is  different.  All  Paris  is  dark.  The 
Quai  des  Augustines  is  gray  and  gloomy 
with  its  slimy  Seine.  The  avenues  and 
boulevards  lose  their  attractiveness  in 
their  imitation  of  dark  country  roads. 


87 


CRUCIFIXION 

Without  the  blinking  of  odd  street 
lamps,  the  dimmed  lights  of  color,  the 
rattling  of  cabs  as  they  roll  over  the 
cobblestones,  the  cries  of  the  urchins  in 
the  corridors,  the  shrill  peals  of  laughter 
through  the  open  door,  the  galleries  and 
universities;  without  song,  Paris  is  dead. 
The  wine  and  the  women  are  here,  but 
truly  the  eong  has  gone.  The  people 
go  about  looking  like  chunks  of  cold 
stone.  Whatever  they  do  is  from  habit 
and  not  because  of  the  joy  in  the  thing. 
Life  is  only  an  artificiality. 

Yesterday  I  wandered  down  to  the 
courtyard  of  the  Compas  d'or  in  the  rue 
Montorgeuil.  The  sun  was  just  begin- 
ning to  throw  its  shadows  across  the  open 
square.  It  has  been  many  years  since 
the  coach  rolled  out  of  the  gateway  on 
its  journey  to  Dreux. 

The  large  stone  stalls  with  their  iron- 


88 


CRUCIFIXION 

barred  food-bins,  the  worn  steps  leading 
to  the  loft,  the  wooden  canopy  covering 
half  the  courtyard  and  the  Inn  near  the 
passage,  are  still  there.  I  had  hopes 
that  the  war  would  be  shut  out  of  this 
old  quadrangle,  but  such  was  not  the 
case.  At  one  end  of  the  covering,  among 
the  dilapidated  carts,  was  a  huge  truck 
such  as  I  had  often  seen  rolling  along 
the  roads  at  the  front,  carrying  muni- 
tions. It  stood  there,  in  a  clumsy  way, 
like  some  overgrown  embarrassed  boy. 
The  thing  knew  it  was  out  of  place. 

Not  far  from  here  is  the  rue  de  1'Hotel 
de  Ville.  Of  all  the  Paris  streets  it  is 
the  most  picturesque.  Along  its  borders 
are  the  old  massive  stone  dwellings 
which  were  the  palaces  of  kings  during 
the  twelfth  century.  To  see  the  street 
as  it  really  is  one  must  pass  about  five 
o'clock  in  the  evening.  At  that  time 
the  children  are  playing  in  the  open, 


89 


CRUCIFIXION 

screaming  and  yelling  at  the  top  of  their 
voices,  the  women  are  in  the  doorways 
gossiping  and  the  men  grouped  around 
game  tables,  playing,  drinking  and  smok- 
ing. The  children  never  fail  to  be  as 
dirty  as  the  street.  Here  all  is  in  keep- 
ing and  perfect  harmony. 

The  bulky  lamps  perch  upon  heavy 
projections  and  glare  out  like  eagle  eyes 
against  the  dingy  grey  walls.  Every  few 
minutes  a  blue  uniform  shows  up.  One 
does  not  have  to  see  it  in  order  to  know 
the  thing  is  coming.  Hobnails  make  a 
different  sound  from  wooden  shoes. 

This  morning  we  went  to  Notre  Dame 
to  hear  the  mass  for  the  dead.  The 
place  was  very  cold  and  gloomy. 
Forms  moved  about  like  spectors.  The 
towering  walls  lost  themselves  in  the 
darkness.  Many  people  were  there.  It 
is  always  that  way  after  a  great  battle. 


90 


CRUCIFIXION 

We  met  an  old  man  who  spoke  Eng- 
lish very  well.  He  told  us  he  had  lost 
his  fourth  and  last  son  in  the  offensive 
just  past.  He  had  lived  in  nothern 
France  before  the  war,  and  all  his  posses- 
sions had  fallen  into  the  hands  of  the 
enemy.  The  Germans  had  put  them  to 
work,  his  shriveled  wife  was  with  him, 
but  found  they  were  of  no  value.  In- 
stead of  being  killed  they  were  sent  back 
to  France  as  worthless  and  dependent. 

The  request  for  a  furlough  in  the 
States  has  been  granted. 

Our  baggage  has  just  been  taken  to 
the  Gare  d'Orleans.  We  leave  Paris  to- 
night, a  party  of  four.  I  do  not  think 
anyone  is  sad  over  the  fact  that  we  are 
leaving  France. 

I  went  out  to  the  hospital  late  in  the 
91 


CRUCIFIXION 

afternoon,  intending  to  say  good-by  to 
the  men  whom  I  knew  there.  I  found  I 
could  not.  It  would  have  killed  them 
had  they  known  I  was  to  return  while 
they  had  to  remain  in  their  dismal  white- 
walled  rooms.  I  could  see  that  at  the 
first.  All  they  talked  about  was  going 
home  and  the  end  of  the  war.  I  remem- 
ber having  been  told  in  America  that 
the  men  in  the  hospitals  never  men- 
tioned the  war,  their  injuries,  or  the  hope 
of  an  end  to  the  fighting,  but  the  truth 
is  they  talked  of  nothing  else.  One  fel- 
low, who  had  been  on  his  feet  only  a  few 
days  after  two  months  of  suffering,  re- 
lated the  whole  thing  to  me  and  tore  a- 
way  half  of  his  bandage  trying  to  show 
me  how  he  was  stuck.  These  men  are 
sick  of  the  whole  affair  and  they  want 
the  end  to  come  before  they  have  to  re- 
turn to  the  front. 


92 


CRUCIFIXION 

They  all  think  it  will  last  another  two 
years.  Those  who  are  wounded  in  a 
email  way  tell  the  others  how  lucky  they 
are  to  be  out  of  it.  They  do  not  play 
the  Star-Spangled  Banner  or  mention 
the  glory  of  suffering  for  one's  country. 
They  want  the  butchering  to  stop.  They 
know  what  they  are  talking  about.  Their 
hands  have  been  covered  with  blood, 
their  bellies  have  been  torn  with  hunger, 
their  brains  have  been  tortured  by  the 
roar  of  the  guns  and  their  eyes  swollen 
with  the  sights  of  distorted  forms  about 
them.  They  know  !  But  what  do 
these  despots  in  their  palaces  and  great 
stone  buildings  know  about  it?  They 
are  the  ones  who  shall  say  when  it  is  to 
stop.  When  they  have  a  million  or 
more  blood-smeared  bodies  to  their 
Credit  it  may  end,  if  they  desire. 

If  you  want  to  know  what  war  is,  go 
to  the  hospitals  and  see  for  yourself,  and 


93 


CRUCIFIXION 

if  you  are  a  man  go  to  the  front  and 
live  there  like  a  rat  for  a  while.  You 
may  change  your  idea  about  the  whole 
business  when  once  you  have  been  a  part 
of  it. 

Before  I  left  the  hospital  one  of  the 
doctors  told  me  the  body  of  Hanlowe, 
who  came  over  with  us  and  joined  the 
Legion,  had  arrived  from  the  front.  I 
had  not  even  known  of  his  death.  The 
doctor  took  me  into  the  room  opposite. 
The  body  was  lying  on  a  large  slab.  A 
cloth  had  been  thrown  across  the  upper 
part.  I  walked  over  to  it  and  drew  away 
the  covering.  The  .doctor  sprang  to- 
ward me,  but  he  was  too  late.  I  felt 
myself  sinking  and  fell  to  the  floor. 

All  I  saw  were  the  decorations.  The 
head  was  not  there. 


94 


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